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Sometimes we wonder why things happen - hard things, that we didn't wish for and would rather not have happen to us. We wonder why God allows pain in our lives and what good might ever come of it. We all have stories like that, but I wanted to share a particular one with you.
I've shared this story with some before, but not with the addition that will probably be Part 2 of this post. It's a beautiful story with Part 1 here, recounting the tough stuff. In Part 2, you'll read about the beauty that only God can orchestrate to remind me how much He loves me, and how wonderful life is.
In April, 2001, our oldest son turned one. He was such a delight at that age (still is!) and I was in love with "mommy-hood"!
In May of 2001, we found out we were expecting Baby #2. We were excited! It was not the ideal time to have a new baby, but then if you wait until "the time is right" you may never expand your family. We looked ahead to having 2 kids relatively close in age, and I thought that would be a wonderful thing! I read the baby books, trying to find my expected due date. February - and to be more specific, February 19th. These things are never exact (and as it turns out, my babies have never come within even a week of their projected due date...silly little kids!), but I liked the idea of having a "target date" in mind.
In late June of 2001, we lost Baby #2. It was confirmed via ultrasound at the very end of June or early July. I had just gotten to 6weeks, so I was not pregnant for long. I'd only known that I was pregnant for a couple weeks. Even so, there were many nights when going to sleep was tough - when being in the stillness, with my own thoughts, was just too much, and the tears came.
Ten years have passed since all this - almost eleven now. I have no idea who that child would have been in our family: Son #2? Daughter #1? I'll never know, this side of Heaven. I wanted to know, at first. Now, all these years later, it's ok that I don't know.
There are times, when all is quiet, and a million thoughts are not swimming through my mind, when I'll still wonder what our family might have been like, if we'd been blessed with that child's life outside the womb. And in those times, there is always peace. I think it's God's way of letting me know that truly, His plans were the best.
Since that miscarriage, I've met many other moms who have suffered one or more miscarriages. Compared to some, my loss was quite simple - moderately painless physically, taking place very early in my pregnancy. No one discounts the mental and emotional toll this took, but I know others have had much more trying situations. I've been able to share with other moms going through this, that I can relate - that I've been through the same thing, even though circumstances are different. Often, it helps to know that someone else understands. I have tried my best to be supportive of others in this situation - to pray for, encourage, check on, love them. I've worked to listen, to let them cry, to hold a hand.
Through those situations, I've thanked God for allowing me to use my experience to help someone else. Miscarriages are not as taboo as they used to be, but it's still not something that people openly discuss, so finding a listening ear can be tough.
Each year, on February 19th, I take a moment - just a moment - to remember that we had a baby who would have joined our family around that time. It's always with a twinge of sadness that I remember we lost one, but there is always peace.
For many years, my story ended there. And honestly, it's a good story, as it sits right here. There are some more details that are not here, because they are more personal - quiet chats with Tim, a very kind doctor, a special gift that occurred, despite knowing we'd lost our baby. But the story, as it is here, is a wonderful story about how God gave me opportunities to help others who have struggled through miscarriage as well. I'm grateful for those opportunities and for others who reached out to help me as well.
But the story doesn't end there. This story, right here, makes me happy.
The rest of the story? A matchless gift! Come back to read the next segment tomorrow.
I've shared this story with some before, but not with the addition that will probably be Part 2 of this post. It's a beautiful story with Part 1 here, recounting the tough stuff. In Part 2, you'll read about the beauty that only God can orchestrate to remind me how much He loves me, and how wonderful life is.
{If you know me personally, please do not discuss this post or others related to it, with our kids. I want to share this with you, adult to adult. Thank you.}
In April, 2001, our oldest son turned one. He was such a delight at that age (still is!) and I was in love with "mommy-hood"!
In May of 2001, we found out we were expecting Baby #2. We were excited! It was not the ideal time to have a new baby, but then if you wait until "the time is right" you may never expand your family. We looked ahead to having 2 kids relatively close in age, and I thought that would be a wonderful thing! I read the baby books, trying to find my expected due date. February - and to be more specific, February 19th. These things are never exact (and as it turns out, my babies have never come within even a week of their projected due date...silly little kids!), but I liked the idea of having a "target date" in mind.
In late June of 2001, we lost Baby #2. It was confirmed via ultrasound at the very end of June or early July. I had just gotten to 6weeks, so I was not pregnant for long. I'd only known that I was pregnant for a couple weeks. Even so, there were many nights when going to sleep was tough - when being in the stillness, with my own thoughts, was just too much, and the tears came.
Ten years have passed since all this - almost eleven now. I have no idea who that child would have been in our family: Son #2? Daughter #1? I'll never know, this side of Heaven. I wanted to know, at first. Now, all these years later, it's ok that I don't know.
There are times, when all is quiet, and a million thoughts are not swimming through my mind, when I'll still wonder what our family might have been like, if we'd been blessed with that child's life outside the womb. And in those times, there is always peace. I think it's God's way of letting me know that truly, His plans were the best.
Since that miscarriage, I've met many other moms who have suffered one or more miscarriages. Compared to some, my loss was quite simple - moderately painless physically, taking place very early in my pregnancy. No one discounts the mental and emotional toll this took, but I know others have had much more trying situations. I've been able to share with other moms going through this, that I can relate - that I've been through the same thing, even though circumstances are different. Often, it helps to know that someone else understands. I have tried my best to be supportive of others in this situation - to pray for, encourage, check on, love them. I've worked to listen, to let them cry, to hold a hand.
Through those situations, I've thanked God for allowing me to use my experience to help someone else. Miscarriages are not as taboo as they used to be, but it's still not something that people openly discuss, so finding a listening ear can be tough.
Each year, on February 19th, I take a moment - just a moment - to remember that we had a baby who would have joined our family around that time. It's always with a twinge of sadness that I remember we lost one, but there is always peace.
For many years, my story ended there. And honestly, it's a good story, as it sits right here. There are some more details that are not here, because they are more personal - quiet chats with Tim, a very kind doctor, a special gift that occurred, despite knowing we'd lost our baby. But the story, as it is here, is a wonderful story about how God gave me opportunities to help others who have struggled through miscarriage as well. I'm grateful for those opportunities and for others who reached out to help me as well.
But the story doesn't end there. This story, right here, makes me happy.
The rest of the story? A matchless gift! Come back to read the next segment tomorrow.
I can't even imagine what this must have been like to go through for you and your Husband... But finding something good out of it, well, I can't wait to read more! ((hugs))
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